Category Archives: Legal nonsense

Naked 70% certified

Let us now turn our attention to this tube of moisturizing hand and body lotion. It claims some relationship to pomegranate and honey, which suggests it also might make a good dessert topping. It is called The Naked Bee, presumably a reference to the honey. It is also “70% Certified Organic.”

Seventy percent? Why seventy percent?

70 percent certified organic

If The Naked Bee is 70% certified organic, what is the other 30%?

Possibilities:

  • 70 percent is organic, the rest of it is inorganic.
  • 70 percent is certified organic, the rest is not certified; it could be (horrors!) uncertified.
  • Perhaps the “pomegranate & honey” is a clue: 70 percent is certified organic, 30 percent is certified Kosher?
  • 70 percent is organic, the rest is dark matter.

It also has “All the good stuff, none of the bad stuff.” Chocolate cake? Free-range bison?

Bottom line: can you eat it?

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Long line of bachelors and serial marriage

When George Clooney wed Amal Alamuddin in September 2014, The Washington Post, which normally is fairly well edited, published this on-line headline, as well as emailing it out to thousands of subscribers:

George Clooney wedding: the last of the eligible bachelors to marry Amal Alamuddin

Not only did the Washington Post have this as their on-line headline, they also emailed the same headline out to thousands of subscribers.

From this, we can conclude that:

  • The Washington Post has only one editor for both their website and their mailing lists, and that one person does not know how to read.
  • The Washington Post, in addition to their recent announcement about ending many pension benefits, also dismissed anyone who knew anything about copy-editing.
  • Least likely: Amal Alamuddin really has married a string of eligible bachelors.

The Washington Post didn’t even acknowledge my questions about the headline.

Obscene traffic sign

And displayed on a public road, no less.

The meaning of this sign is not clear, but it probably would not mount a successful a First Amendment defense against a charge of obscenity.

The meaning of this sign is not clear, but it probably would not mount a successful a First Amendment defense against a charge of obscenity. On the other hand, it clearly is not a help to drivers; trying to quickly understand and act on this information in a few short seconds is probably beyond the average driver’s skill set.

Why I didn’t become a graphic artist

I spent most of my grade school years drawing pictures instead of doing classwork. Classwork was easy, so I did that quickly and then “illuminated” my work with fanciful spacecraft, mythic maps, and lots of lizards and horses. My maps were quite good, my spacecraft were probably not flyable, and everything else was quite poor.

But now, thanks to powerful computer hardware and clever software, I can make cartoons based on nothing more than photographs that I’ve taken and odd comments. Such as this:

Cartoon showing two stacks of CD-ROMs mulling over their fate.

Combine powerful computers and software, a decent photo or three and some brief text, and you have cartoons!

You can find more such efforts at KLJC Computing Cartoons.

Clear directions

In an emergency, you need clear directions. Clear, as in easy to understand, unambiguous, understandable, and possibly even useful.

This box, mounted just short of 10 feet up a wall, declares that either the box itself, or possibly the otherwise vacant wall, is an “Area of rescue assistance.” Not a rescue area, or an emergency assembly area, or an evacuation area, but an “area of rescue assistance.”

Area of rescue assistance area.

Area of rescue assistance? The box itself? The contents of the box? The area around the box? Is assistance limited to people in wheelchairs? Would dialing the toll-free number answer any of these questions? Or is the toll-free number just for inquiries about  the box housing itself?

Comforting kid-friendly sign

Anyone living in Japan is impressed with how far the country goes to be kid friendly. There are children’s parks in even the most crowded neighborhoods. The calendar has a number of formal and informal holidays and festivals dedicated to children.

Then there is the United States. In a semi-rural “bedroom” community, with scerene vistas of green spaces and bike paths, what could be more comforting than these three signs in a tot lot telling parents or guardians that they are (a) on their own and (b) here’s the information you need to call the cops or an ambulance.

Children's playground notice

Children's playground notice

So cheerful and comforting.