Category Archives: Shopping

Naked 70% certified

Let us now turn our attention to this tube of moisturizing hand and body lotion. It claims some relationship to pomegranate and honey, which suggests it also might make a good dessert topping. It is called The Naked Bee, presumably a reference to the honey. It is also “70% Certified Organic.”

Seventy percent? Why seventy percent?

70 percent certified organic

If The Naked Bee is 70% certified organic, what is the other 30%?

Possibilities:

  • 70 percent is organic, the rest of it is inorganic.
  • 70 percent is certified organic, the rest is not certified; it could be (horrors!) uncertified.
  • Perhaps the “pomegranate & honey” is a clue: 70 percent is certified organic, 30 percent is certified Kosher?
  • 70 percent is organic, the rest is dark matter.

It also has “All the good stuff, none of the bad stuff.” Chocolate cake? Free-range bison?

Bottom line: can you eat it?

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Great moments in marketing

Women’s clothing stores spare no expense to advertise their wares and put them in the best light. Just look at this lovingly crafted display in an upper end clothier.

Bottom. That's all you need to know.

Bottom. That’s all you need to know.

Women’s clothing is also, apparently anti-slavery, which is a good thing. Even though it seems oddly depressing.

Free people? Does that mean they have no cost, or that they are not enslaved?

Free people? Does that mean they have no cost, or that they are not enslaved?

Also, check out Adventures in retail display.

Adventures in retail display

To the left, a nifty dark green evening frock with shimmering highlights. In the center, a daring see-through lace party dress, with a discreet, mostly opaque shell underneath. To the right —

Pinhead mannequin with no arms and a dress hanging from the pinhead.

You want the mannequin dressed? Do it yourself! And I’m ripping off the arms, too!

Forget it. They don’t pay me enough for this stuff. I’m quitting.

Alien artifact

Google has been successful selling Android phones in spite of their rather frightening commercials that suggests an Android phone will turn you into a cyborg. Since Android phones are ridiculously easy to compromise with malware, turning them into pieces of a robot army controlled by sinister forces (no, I’m not making that up), maybe the ads should be considered truth in advertising?

Even so, humans tend to be somewhat leery of robots, androids, and aliens from outer space. Yet this alien artifact was recently spot in a food court of a shopping mall:

Alien artifact found in the food court of a shopping mall.

Alien artifact found in the food court of a shopping mall.

After cautiously approaching the blue glowing monolith, it appeared to be disguised as a charging station for mobile phones. But there were no mobile phones anywhere near it, just snaking cables reaching greedily for passersby.

Medical advice

Profound advice from a bumper sticker on profound advice:

Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for you.

Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for you.

Fun fact: the United States and New Zealand are the only countries that allow direct-to-consumer pharmaceutical advertising.

Don’t think so

Despite what the sign says, these do not look like “Wallmount Paper Towel Holders.” In fact, they would probably make exceedingly poor wallmount paper towel holders, or any other kind of towel holders, wallmounted or otherwise. They also look to be made of glass, and are neither white nor stainless steel.

Be cautious, shoppers!

These are not wallmounted paper towel holders.

These are definitely not wallmount paper towel holders, despite what the sign suggests.