Tag Archives: nuts to you

Adventures in grocery shopping

In the old days, all shopping was organic. You went to the store and got flour and beans and other dry goods in 25 or 50 pound sacks, got fruits and vegetables in baskets or bushels, and then went home and spent all day washing, soaking, peeling, and otherwise preparing the organic food to be consumed by organic people.

Today, we have prepared foods, designed to reduce the pain and suffering of shopping. Sometimes.

According to legend, I am allergic to nuts. I have no knowledge or memory of this, but allegedly I once consumed three of my favorite nuts, stopped breathing and passed out.

Second important fact: I like brownies. Put these two facts together, and I think Giant Foods is trying to kill me:

Deadly brownies on sale at Giant Foods.

Deadly brownies on sale at Giant Foods. Or possibly nutty signage.

On the other hand, the mislabeled poisonous brownies cost the same as the non-deadly versions.

In other news, I discovered Giant also sells milk from condensed goats. Condensed goats are perfect for an urban area. In scientific terms, I suppose they have a reduced x-height and are more tightly kerned (and possibly churned):

Condensed goats, perfect for urban living

Condensed goats, perfect for urban living. Gourmet, even.

Gourmet taste, no less. And apparently organic, though I’ve never heard of an inorganic goat.

Finally, I found a possible cause for Frank Herbert’s Butlerian Jihad, mentioned in his Dune novels:

Where will you find Erewhon cereal?

This either caused Herbert's Butlerian Jihad in "Dune" or a novel approach to utopia.

Or maybe that was Samuel Butler. In any event, nowhere around here. But organic.

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